Friday, June 19, 2009
When I think that both my Dads have passed, I weep, uncontrollably.
I know that one day I will be able to understand the loss.
That I will be able to enjoy them as if they were still sitting in their filty but favorite chairs watching the 6 o'clock news. I will laugh at the meals they ate, steak and rice vs. chicken and potatoes.
I will smell the scent of stale Old Spice and my senses will be awakened for that probably was one of the Christmas gifts I bought with my hard earned allowance money.
I will smile when I think of the both of them, clad in a stained white T shirt and jeans or Dockers, strutting over to the lawn mower to fill it with gas. Too cheap ( or way too frugal!) to buy a new one, they would fanagle some switch on it to make it start. I wlll think about all the dogs who loved them. Their fierce (soft) deep voices, their silly laughs and GOD please forgive them for all the name calling of **^&%$#@@*"s and monkeys!
I will grow wiser when I stop to think about how they built their finacial kingdoms.
I will stand up tall, at attention at just the thought of the authority they held.
"Yes, sir!" I will say in my heart when I think of them.
I will cry at the long road between my then, husband and I,
I will Thank GOD for blessing us (my family in particular) for such great men.
Great men who provided, loved, nurished , tolerated and still mean everything, every day to us all.
Like my Father in Heaven;
I want to thank all the Dads in my Life.
You mean more to me than I think you ever knew.
Happy Father's Day!
I thought I would share it with you all.
It reminds me of soooo much.
Especially of when I was little.
Take some time and share the romance .
When the stars are out, choose the first star your eye catches sight of (selecting is taboo!) and say the following verse: 'Star light, star bright, First star I've seen tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.' Make your wish. A wish made on the 'first star' should never be told to anyone or it won't come true.
A lesser-known version is to select a star, say 'Last star I'll see tonight,' wish, and then close your eyes and turn away, making sure you don't see any more stars that night.
A variation of the above 'first star' chant is that after making your wish you must turn around three times, touch a tree, find another star, and then look back at the 'first star' you wished on so that your wish will be answered.(Connecticut and New York)
When you see the first star at night, make a wish and say:
'I see specks, specks see me,I'll see somebody tomorrowI don't expect to see.'
Look fixedly at the brightest star, wink three times, wish to dream that night of the person you will marry and go right to bed.
Count nine stars for nine nights in a row, each night reciting out loud as you count:
'One, two, three, four,five, six, seven, eight, nine;Wish be mine.'
Then make your wish.
On the last night say, 'And so should it be.'
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Its 3pm and it's still raining.
There is a distinct stillness that fills the Lobby.
Every once in a while someone will tiptoe through hand over their mouth to cover a huge yawn.
The phone is quiet and the room is dark.
My desk houses a communal snack bowl that on a normal sunny day doesn't last til 10 am. It stands alone; York Peppermint (patties) crying out to KitKat for a Kiss...
I love the rain. In my old age I seem to have forgotten the MOON and taken up with the rain. It has such a cleansing effect on me. It is soothing and clean. If it were just a little warmer I could fantasize running nakedly thru the woods, streams of water rolling gently down my backside.
The wading pond in the front of the building was emptied last week so it could be treated, but after today, enough water is in there to turn over my kayak.
There is probably 0% visibility right now.
My front door is a total ceiling to floor window giving me the most magnificent view. The raindrops dance to the music of the wind. The green leaves are drooping, weeping willows cry out in to the grey skies. There are soft hues of yellows, pinks and purples under the silver shadowed sheet of raindrops. These colors are the inpatients spread between the hemlocks, hydrangea, and chrysanthemum bushes.
From my desk you can see the road. The cars creep slowly onto the highway, which by now is a perpetual parking lot.
They say the rain will continue on thru Tuesday. I have a host of music events to attend this weekend. I guess I will have to commandeer a tent or find that huge golf umbrella we used to have. Whatever the case, I will sing loud and come back on Monday renewed and refreshed and hopefully MGM will grant me the payoff to all the quarters I have ever shared in their slot machines!
In the meantime, take care and have fun in whatever weather we have.
Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life...... Things are to be used and people are to be loved, But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved...During this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to beloved ... I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.. If you don't pass this on, nothing bad will happen; if you do, you will have ministered to someone.
God bless you;
I pray you have a wonderful day!
Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL
I have this wonderful Intimate Relationship with GOD.
He is my best Friend, my closest friend, my Humor, my Trust, my Protection, my true Love...
He is: EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME, EVERYWWHERE.
Well, yesterday while walking to the Sanctuary, I was thinking of all the things I am grateful for.
I praised Him for the times I thought I would never make it.
I rejoiced as I remembered certain UTs.
I giggled at how he has taught me my most valued lessons with His unmistakable humour.
I thanked him for a fabulous job and abundant fiances!
When I reached my Sanctuary, I cried out loud... for the memory of our lost ones overtake me sometimes, so I knelt in His presence, with confident our Dads are seated safely by HIS side, granted Eternal Life and have an exceptional view from the windows of Heaven.
I sat on my favorite rock, looked for the penny I hid amongst the plants of Lamb's Ear that covers the ground and waited.
I am still not sure what I was waiting for.
But during that time GOD impressed upon me a calmness that I wish I could have kept forever.
He made me relax in my thoughts.
He gave me Peace.
I left with the Blessed Assurance that no matter what, all is well.
Sometimes I wonder why I am here on this Journey called Life.
What am I supposed to be doing?
Have my past pleasures, failures, questions, answers, trials and tribulations led me to this
I have yet to completely understand that although dreams and aspirations are great, they still have to be in line with God's Plan, in order to be successful. (I'm working on it).
I know I need to work towards better learning His Word so He can show me where to go, what to do.
I need to trust Him and to keep visiting the Sanctuary.
Praise Him and let Him know how much I love Him and how much I need His Love.
The good thing is; We all have been forgiven. We are all learning.
Sometimes things seem bigger than they are.
At least that's what it says on my side view mirror...
Enjoy this day.
and leave the rest to GOD.
I love you.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Way deep amongst the textures of wools and tweeds; alongside the softest of cottons and silks.
Where the shirts are embroidered with soft pastel shades, their lapels held together with tiny glass buttons, handmade sweaters, hats and scarves.
Jeans of all types; blue jeans, dungarees (as my Daddy would say) skinny jeans, bell bottoms from the 70's ( yup, I can still fit' em) and my most favorite and highly cherished Levis; bourne as a gift unto me, upon the birth of our second son.
There are several linen dresses all within a shade or two of one another, ironed neatly but still looking wrinkled by nature.
While the shoes lean against one another they gaze freely upwards to the pocketbooks on the top shelf; one real FENDI bag, two real COACH, one real DOUNEY & BURKE, a shared but real VERA WANG clutch, several Liz Clairborne, KateSpade, Kenneth Cole, and a totally fake $20.00 CHANEL purse purchased in the back room of a Korean variety store on the streets of New York City.
All this to say;
While GOD is continually blessing us what are we doing to make the necessary measures to BAG all our worries and problems upon onset?
With yesterdays blog and all the talk of the Devil leaving his baggage with us, I wondered what I needed to do to avoid him leaving half his mess behind for me to deal with!
So there I am, sitting on the side of my bed, looking to my closet, sizing up the situation.
For those of you who know me, thoughts come from everywhere with me.
I have been told I speak abstract, walk alongside Webster and should "rest" when I guess I am getting too deep, rambling on, or just thinking too much!
There is a song on the hip hop station which refers to bagging what's yours, I believe the chorus chimes in with "throw it in the bag!".
Too often we hold on to too much.
As I scan the closet, I wonder how much of these things I really need.
Even tho I have raked thru every single shred of material several times in the last three months, I still have too much stuff!
Some things are just too sentimental for me to part with.
They remain a very part of my soul.
I mean how can you toss a heart shaped rock given to you by your son?
Or handmade jewelry by your artist daughter?
Or the bottled dried roses from your 50th birthday, hand drawn cartoons on aged yellowed napkin, or a stuffed hand sewn penguin made in the 3rd grade?
But as our walk with Jesus states, we are here to spread the Word of God.
Material things are our least concern.
We live for that Eternal Life He has promised us.
Everything else is just already the bag.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Ked said I should add pix to my blog.
Malc said he would show me how to.
but, I did it myself!
This is at 3:30 EST in my sanctuary in the back parking lot at work.
My sanctuary is every bit of the word.
It is so serene.
It's greenery glistens amongst the blue skies.
The raindrops melt slowly into the stream which runs behind a retaining wall deep amongst the vines and tree trunks which intertwine each other. There is a soft smell of pine and sometimes of lavender. The bed of wildflowers create a soft rug beneath my feet. The rocks create a fortress. I love the shapes and colors of the rocks. Sometimes I find myself touching them, escaping quickly right into the deep colors and textures. If you know me, you know I liken myself to the trees.
Their strength so clearly evident the branches seem to reach the clouds and sway with a calming rhythm gently back and forth. A song of peace to me.
I went to the sanctuary this afternoon for prayer.
There, I found an abundance of sensational beauty.
It was like GOD gave me all the colors of the rainbow to soothe me.
He gave me all the textures to awaken my Spirit.
Kinda like to roughen me up, like sandpaper.
As to "prime" me for whatever picture comes next in my journal of Life...
What an Almighty Creator He is.
I kid you not!!!
I'm researching for work and low and behold this is the site I come across.
Someone else thinks the same way I do with regard to the newest Vera Wang bag.
How wonderful He is... HIS Teaching, HIS Patience, HIS Kindness with us all.
Have a great laugh.
I am blessed to have two Moms.
My California Mom sent me this great email this morning which led me to thinking about DESIGNERS;
particularly the makers of handbags, clutches and the like.
I was thinking how we will go to all ends to get a "knock-off"; paying way too much for the dang fake, carrying it like it is real, sporting the thing like it is some kind of idol.
Or better yet, we purchase the REAL item and that's just for status, basically.
It's for show, (key word: show), to convince folk we have the money or can afford it, or to show we know the designer's place in society,
(cause we travel in those circles) or maybe to just boost our own ego.
But alongside of these same ideas I was thinking about my walk with Jesus.
Are we loving Him for the right reasons?
Is our purpose in Life for Him? or us.
Do we really have an Intimate Relationship or is this just a pass to keep from going straight to Hell?
Like that Gucci bag held tightly to your side, could it be just the right item needed to get you in the club?
Is its flashy signature emblem waving in the light just as assuming as HALLELUJAH from the top of your lungs?
I wonder, even tho my walk is close to Him in my heart, do I sometimes appear(on the outside ) like the fake leather I spoke of above?
Recently my decisions have been harder and harder to make.
I am told, because I am growing wiser in the Lord, right and wrong are becoming even more defined.
I want to be Christ-like all the time, but today, that is not yet in place.
I'm continually praying with this regard.
The Holy Spirit is awesome tho, as just this morning I was reminded that GOD is a forgiving GOD. That we are His children, who like our own, we make mistakes. It is important for us to know He may chastise us as needed, but He loves us unconditionally too.
(Check out Lamentations, chapter 3.)
Which brings me back to the email.....
The email reads:
YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, BUT DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE HIS BAGS?
So often we are mislead by the things we are dealing with on this journey in Life. We discount many a blessing. We miss the small things, the unexpected joys (UTs). We dwelve so deep, and cover ourselves in the minutia we miss what's real, and important.
Like the email states, we only do half the required sometimes.
Which unbenounced to us leaves us missing out on half the blessing by way of worry or doubt!.
I was listening to my radio station this morning and the subject lies in
Psalm 130, GOD is always there for us; Joy comes in the morning.
We call on the Lord for strength and direction, receive it but then sometimes forget to continue to let the Lord do the remainder of His work.
I have copied and pasted the email for your enjoyment.
Trust the Lord and leave the baggage behind.
...thank you Nonnie for sharing!
YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, BUT DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE HIS BAGS?
You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful and angry (you let the devil leave his bags)
You got out of financial debt, but you still can't control the desire to spend on frivolous things (you let the devil leave his bags)
You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time (you let the devil leave his bags)
You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to forget and have peace with that person (you let the devil leave his bags)
You told your unequally yoked mate that it was over, but you still continue to call (you let the devil leave his bags)
You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you are still trying to sabotage the company after you've left (you let the devil leave his bags)
You cut off the affair with that married man/woman, but you still lust after him/her (you let the devil leave his bags)
You broke off your relationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet (you let the devil leave his bags)
You decided to let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others and you refuse to get attached to anyone (you let the devil leave his bags)
When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags!
HAPPINESS KEEPS YOU SWEET,
TRIALS KEEP YOU STRONG, AND SORROWS KEEP YOU HUMAN,
FAILURES KEEP YOU HUMBLE,
SUCCESS KEEPS YOU GLOWING,
BUT ONLY GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!
Monday, June 15, 2009
It is 9am here.
I am at my workplace doing my daily routine and the computer refuses to serve me kindly this morning.
It's ok tho~
I'l just wait on the Lord.
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
O.K. that worked...
I am quite excited this morning!
I am having labor pains; pseudo labor pains as The Boy would say.
You see, it was 21 years ago we moved one more time and in the celebration of it all, well, yup...Malcolm was created.
He would be our last child and after even going thru this rite of passage with the other two kids, this time, for me, it is bittersweet.
Where did the time go?
Today, he has become an adult man according to society.
Again, I will have to wait on the Lord; asking Him to Comfort me and my emotions with this particular part of my journey.
I think his Dad refers to this as THE EMPTY NEST(er).
I had the pleasure of spending quality time with my daughter this weekend.
We spoke of many things, but the one conversation which sticks out in my mind was on becoming a woman.
What determines , warrants or decides what a real "woman" is?
And in the light of that thought I wondered is that true for men too?
My boys have always been "men "to me. Whether little "men" or "big" men, dependant upon what age they were... they have always been as big and strong, rough and tough as was required, to be a man in my opinion.
They have all the components.
So while I am proud of his accomplishments
and know he has grown into this wonderful individual, he has grown to be this fine young man; I will miss our BABY.
Love your family as much as you can, time passes quickly and they become old before you can blink an eye.
Happy Birthday Malcolm!
It's a boy.