The Race

I hesitated to even write this blog today.
I 'm losing weight, patience and control so my mood is not too inviting.

It's raining and altho I love the rain, today I am looking more towards the stars.
I just finished speaking with my daughter and her words of encouragement enlightened me.
It is hard to believe she can understand adult stuff even if she is 30 years old.

As I daydream in the Lobby I hear the softness of the rain.
There is a circle in the front of the building which reminds me of a track on a high school field.
Under my feet I feel a roughness.
As I shift in my chair it feels like there is gravel in my sneaker; altho I sport 3 inch heels today.
I smell the wetness of the grass, the sun beaming down after a short rainstorm.
I look to the hills (from whence my Help comes) the clouds rich and fluffy gently move against the light blue sky.
It is there I see my children all lined up, dressed in their runner's shorts, waiting patiently as I stand amidst them.
The grandstands filled with spectators ready to cheer me on like herald angels.
There is tension in the air.
The feeling of competition.
*BANG!*
The gun goes off.
My feet are planted firmly.
My mind says to run, run as fast as you can.
My body doesn't respond.
My Spirit says, "Duracell, shine as bright a Light as you can possibly emit."
My children scream with fear, but might.
They edge me on while CoachDad yells, arms aimlessly flying, swatting the air.
He yells to me repeatedly.
Listing each and every one of my accomplishments both current and past.
"You can do it!!!" he confirms.
My hands, listless.
The baton itself swings back and forth from nervous energy.
I cannot move.

I wonder what Jesus would have done.

I know scripture.
I know The Word.
My famous words to my grandkids are to Listen and Obey.
My all time favorite mantra is :
Please Lord,
Help me to do what I need to do,
to get where I need to go.

Why, now the hesitation?

I've written about responsibility, accountability, UB's, UT's, His unconditional Love.
I been a leader for all my Life.
Now is the time to rise up and become diligent in my prayer life.

My Mom goes into surgery today.
My Dad has been passed for 4 1/2 months.
My Mom misses him.

I am not sure what to pray to be honest with you.
I know to pray for God's Will.
I know to thank Him in advance for everything.
I know to be happy with the outcome of it all because He is GOD.
His Plan, Perfect.
His Timing impeccable.
His Love, Unconditional.

But I am at a loss.
Maybe that is what I should pray for, a FIND.

Today I thank God in Jesus Name for so much He has blessed me with.
This blog, especially.
When I am done I will go to the Sanctuary.
I will give testimony of Our Heavenly Father's Grace and Mercy with this situation tomorrow.

In the meantime....
The crowd roars, I run forward confidently, and a new record is set!
UPDATE:
SURGERY HAS BEEN CANCELLED
AS OF 7/01/09 3PM EST.
HER KIDNEYS ARE NOT UP TO STANDARD ACCORDING TO THE DOCTOR.