BITTER SWEETS

I wasn't gonna' blog today.
But I miss ya'll.
I am trying to decide when and where or if I am going on vacation.
It has become draining to me and I am about to settle with staying home for the duration.
It is an unfortunate echo in my mind which leaves me distracted and a bit confused.
I know I have some responsibilities which will always be mine.
I know I love my family enough to sacrifice, if needed.
But what is the limit?
When do I draw the line to seeing after adult children?
When am I suppose to put me first, finally?
Or am I even supposed to?
Growing up is hard enough for me; no less for my precious children.
But this portion of the Journey has me stumped.
That, and the bittersweet emotion that has me in tears.
Those deeper than normal thoughts that surface from time to time for no apparent reason.
I can't decide whether it is happy tears I am crying or sad ones.
It covers a multitude of events which have graced my Life; the reason that I cry today.
Somehow I will gain my composure and thank GOD one more time for His Grace and Mercy.
I will reflect on the short walk I took earlier to the Sanctuary; where I walked upon a deer and her daughter, perfectly still, in the afternoon sun, close enough to touch, quiet enough to hear GOD. It reminded me, I too, am a Mom. It was sentimental enough to make me cry. As they leaped over the brush and a 4ft wall ( it was soooooo graceful) the leaves from the trees fell like snow covering the ground and reminding me again of Nature in its full glory.
I tell ya' I think Nature is Mrs. God.
Since its all relative, I'm gonna' attribute this sullen mood to the weather and nature.